Mars or Scotland?

I'm very tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally tired. Lately, it feels like my life is a roller coaster. It seems like every relationship that I've had recently is just trying to crumble. I try to foster a relationship with someone and it falls apart.

Somehow, I mess it up. Badly. I wish that I was somehow like Dr. Manhattan. I could just teleport to Mars whenever I feel like I need a quiet vacation. I'm not good with people. Really. Sometimes, I seem like the master with a huge ego, but, really, I'm not either one. I know this is the more depressing of my entries, but I need this.

I was thinking about getting out. When I say "out," I don't know where. But I need out. I'm talking like either out-of-state, or even out-of-country. I now realize why I left the country every Spring; I needed a break from people.

I also wish I was like every other male and could just use people and shrug it off. As much as I need a break from people, I find that I can't survive without frequent human contact. It's a catch-22, if you will. If I were like every other male, I could just use women for a bit, then jump to another. But I wouldn't be able to do that. I would feel like a cheap, dirty person.

Well, here goes the giant catch-22 that is my life. But I need a vacation... Maybe Scotland...