I'm very tired. Not physically tired, but emotionally tired. Lately, it feels like my life is a roller coaster. It seems like every relationship that I've had recently is just trying to crumble. I try to foster a relationship with someone and it falls apart.
Somehow, I mess it up. Badly. I wish that I was somehow like Dr. Manhattan. I could just teleport to Mars whenever I feel like I need a quiet vacation. I'm not good with people. Really. Sometimes, I seem like the master with a huge ego, but, really, I'm not either one. I know this is the more depressing of my entries, but I need this.
I was thinking about getting out. When I say "out," I don't know where. But I need out. I'm talking like either out-of-state, or even out-of-country. I now realize why I left the country every Spring; I needed a break from people.
I also wish I was like every other male and could just use people and shrug it off. As much as I need a break from people, I find that I can't survive without frequent human contact. It's a catch-22, if you will. If I were like every other male, I could just use women for a bit, then jump to another. But I wouldn't be able to do that. I would feel like a cheap, dirty person.
Well, here goes the giant catch-22 that is my life. But I need a vacation... Maybe Scotland...
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
WTF Supreme Court?!
I just found out about a recent Supreme Court decision that upset me very much. Basically, what happened is the Supreme Court repealed the decision to hinder large corporations from paying money into politics.
For those who support the upheaval, they say that the 1st Amendment was upheld. It's the company's right to support whoever they want.
For those like me who disagree with this decision, I believe that this rapes the purity of politics. Granted, politics isn't an innocent school girl, but it's not damned as it is now. Basically, corporations will be able to buy candidates and their votes. Let me say this however, in its purest form, corporations will have no say in what they do. Let's be honest, if someone gave me $1,000,000, I would get a body wax and tattoo my body in their name... So, the question this proposes is this: Will this further demoralize this already depleted political system?
My answer: Yes.
For those who support the upheaval, they say that the 1st Amendment was upheld. It's the company's right to support whoever they want.
For those like me who disagree with this decision, I believe that this rapes the purity of politics. Granted, politics isn't an innocent school girl, but it's not damned as it is now. Basically, corporations will be able to buy candidates and their votes. Let me say this however, in its purest form, corporations will have no say in what they do. Let's be honest, if someone gave me $1,000,000, I would get a body wax and tattoo my body in their name... So, the question this proposes is this: Will this further demoralize this already depleted political system?
My answer: Yes.
Monday, January 25, 2010
"Beeeeee Yourself!"
Let me start with this: I watch Scrubs. Actually, that's an understatement. I love, love Scrubs. I have all eight seasons on DVD. One of the many reasons I like it (and there are a few), is the fact that J.D. and I are so close in personality. One way that we are the most alike is our self-destructive way. Everytime J.D., or I, is in a relationship, we begin to tear at it and try to find something wrong.
For instance, everytime J.D. would get together with Elliot, he would continually find something wrong with her, and then they'd break up and he'd idolize her again. Well, just yesterday, I was actually thinking to myself, "There's no way this could work. I'm not cool enough. I'm not pretty enough. Something must be wrong with her if she likes me..." Stuff like that. I told my awesome roommate what was going through my head and he just kept telling me I was being ridiculous. That's when I remembered my similarity to J.D. and I'm not going to let it get me this time.
If something is obviously wrong, then I'll address it, but I won't destroy myself. Nor will I let myself fail or feel insecure. I'll just be myself. In the words of Genie from Aladdin, "Beeeeeee yourself!"
For instance, everytime J.D. would get together with Elliot, he would continually find something wrong with her, and then they'd break up and he'd idolize her again. Well, just yesterday, I was actually thinking to myself, "There's no way this could work. I'm not cool enough. I'm not pretty enough. Something must be wrong with her if she likes me..." Stuff like that. I told my awesome roommate what was going through my head and he just kept telling me I was being ridiculous. That's when I remembered my similarity to J.D. and I'm not going to let it get me this time.
If something is obviously wrong, then I'll address it, but I won't destroy myself. Nor will I let myself fail or feel insecure. I'll just be myself. In the words of Genie from Aladdin, "Beeeeeee yourself!"
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Begin of the Search for the Window
Here I am, once again...
Today, a major door closed in my life. A door that I thought would never close. Well, it closed, but that was the problem. It closed. Then opened. Repeat. I got tired of it. I felt used, like I wasn't important at all. Finally, I just resigned myself to mis-matched destinies and said goodbye. If this... "door" was so interested in me, why did it see other "doors?"
Well, life goes on. I have to get over it. It's done. Long day, and I'm tired. I'll be fine, because I have a window. That window is there if the door is ever closed. Sometimes, people are so focused on the door being closed that they miss out on the window. Well, not me. I'm going for the window, whatever it may be...
PS I tried to be obscure.
Today, a major door closed in my life. A door that I thought would never close. Well, it closed, but that was the problem. It closed. Then opened. Repeat. I got tired of it. I felt used, like I wasn't important at all. Finally, I just resigned myself to mis-matched destinies and said goodbye. If this... "door" was so interested in me, why did it see other "doors?"
Well, life goes on. I have to get over it. It's done. Long day, and I'm tired. I'll be fine, because I have a window. That window is there if the door is ever closed. Sometimes, people are so focused on the door being closed that they miss out on the window. Well, not me. I'm going for the window, whatever it may be...
PS I tried to be obscure.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I've been thinking a lot about it, and I want a posse. A posse is a group of people fulfilling different roles and responsibilities. For instance, I want a personal assistant. Just today, I forgot that I have a paper due Friday. I haven't started and I still have reading and analyzing to do tomorrow.
I also want a stalker. Not really a "stalker" in the classic sense of the word, but more like a person that is my biggest fan.
I would also like a lifecoach. I'll go to them and say, "Boy. I wish I knew what to do in this situation." And they would say, "I have an answer!" And I would pay them.
After them, I would get a cholo. A cholo is a Mexican gangster. Frankly, this guy isn't necessary, but he'll make the whole group a little more awesome.
Then to bring an aesthetic to my posse, I would hire a personal designer to dress me. He can also function as the scent guy; giving me a new awesome scent every hour.
Oh, and a dietitian and trainer. Maybe a voice coach...
You know what, let me just get a wife...
PS This is satirical.
The End
I also want a stalker. Not really a "stalker" in the classic sense of the word, but more like a person that is my biggest fan.
I would also like a lifecoach. I'll go to them and say, "Boy. I wish I knew what to do in this situation." And they would say, "I have an answer!" And I would pay them.
After them, I would get a cholo. A cholo is a Mexican gangster. Frankly, this guy isn't necessary, but he'll make the whole group a little more awesome.
Then to bring an aesthetic to my posse, I would hire a personal designer to dress me. He can also function as the scent guy; giving me a new awesome scent every hour.
Oh, and a dietitian and trainer. Maybe a voice coach...
You know what, let me just get a wife...
PS This is satirical.
The End
Saturday, January 16, 2010
General Rants and Raves
There I was driving, and I get cut off. What the hell? I hate getting cut off because I have what they call "road rage." Arkansas people do not, I repeat, do not know how to drive. At all. They don't understand the "zipper" either. It's when you're merging, one car lets one car in. Then someone that doesn't understand will just come right in... I'm not the traffic Jesus. I don't just give love. And the fast lane is made for people going fast. Making sense?
Speaking of road rage... everyone has road rage. If they say they don't, they're lying. Driving turns the sweetest person in the world into a maniac. It's true. Don't debate it.
Speaking of stupid... The other day, an 8-year-old is stopped by TSA and patted down because his name is the same as a suspected terrorist. What's even worse is that he was first patted down at the age of two. This family went to the Bahamas and almost wasn't let back in the country because of their son's name. And it's not like Mohammad or Habib or something foreign and terroristy. It's Mike Higgins or something like that. Another thing, I'm tired of all this "Let's stop terrorists without being racist." Hell with that. 80-year-old women don't need patting down. I mean, I'm not expert but I'd pick the guy that's Arabic. That's what Norway does. Why not America? We're just as awesome.
Another thing I want to rant on: The Big Mac Wrap. What is that? It's some BS attempt to make people feel better about eating something that will give them fatness. It's not the bun that will make you large, nor anything else on it. It's eating more and more of them. At least the bun will make you full. So, you'll eat more in the end. The commercials show you that cool, muscled guy eating the wrap. Guys don't eat wraps! What?! No...
Coke and Pepsi. Pepsi and Coke. Not interchangeable.
"What would you like to drink?"
"Coke."
"Pepsi ok?"
"...I guess. Foreign money ok?"
Nobody likes Pepsi. It's a common fact! They taste completely different. That's like not having blood for a blood transfusion, and they say, "Will Pepsi be ok?" No, it will not be ok...
Since I'm on a roll and I haven't posted in a bit... Old guys making action movies is getting... old. Russel Crowe(not that I'm complaining), Dennis Quaid, Mel Gipson(I am complaining), John Travolta, and Tom Cruise. They're all making these movies that they made when they were like mid-20s. It's kind of embarrassing. Give it up. It's sad.
Speaking of movies... As a theater major, I have seen, read, analyzed plays. Quite a few of them and I've realized more and more that movies suck. Comedy, for instance, is so downgraded that, they just show boobies and show guys doing stuff drunk. Slap-stick is making a comeback. "Let's hit somebody and watch a fat guy fall! Hahaha..." Dance movies are the worst. They're either about a couple getting together when one of them is rich and the other is poor, or about someone moving to a new place, not fitting in until he, or she, starts a dance team and wins a competition.
One last thing. I'm tire of different sports being confused with other types, so I've come up with three divisions. (The very fact that I've analyzed this means I don't play. hehe)
1) Competition Sports: Like football and soccer, etc. To play, you have to have another team or person to play.
2) Exhibition Sports: You show off skills and judges watch you. Cheerleading, dance, BMX, etc.
3) Hunting: Actually, I'm joking. This isn't a sport. It's like the Cowboys playing a 3rd grade flag-football team that don't realize they're playing. They're on "recess" picking flowers when WHAM, the Cowboys tackle them and make a touchdown. I could, maybe, understand if you tracked the deer, but hunters sit in an elevated stand, cover themselves in "Sexy Deer Cologne" and put deer food out. This deer thinks there's a buffet with a hot waitress, and he gets a bullet to the face. I think I could consider this a sport if the hunter was in a loin cloth with a bowie knife tracking down the deer. But they're invisible! All camouflaged out! Woo-hoo. You pulled a trigger. Wanna trophy? Yay, you can do what Christopher Reeves could do.
Speaking of road rage... everyone has road rage. If they say they don't, they're lying. Driving turns the sweetest person in the world into a maniac. It's true. Don't debate it.
Speaking of stupid... The other day, an 8-year-old is stopped by TSA and patted down because his name is the same as a suspected terrorist. What's even worse is that he was first patted down at the age of two. This family went to the Bahamas and almost wasn't let back in the country because of their son's name. And it's not like Mohammad or Habib or something foreign and terroristy. It's Mike Higgins or something like that. Another thing, I'm tired of all this "Let's stop terrorists without being racist." Hell with that. 80-year-old women don't need patting down. I mean, I'm not expert but I'd pick the guy that's Arabic. That's what Norway does. Why not America? We're just as awesome.
Another thing I want to rant on: The Big Mac Wrap. What is that? It's some BS attempt to make people feel better about eating something that will give them fatness. It's not the bun that will make you large, nor anything else on it. It's eating more and more of them. At least the bun will make you full. So, you'll eat more in the end. The commercials show you that cool, muscled guy eating the wrap. Guys don't eat wraps! What?! No...
Coke and Pepsi. Pepsi and Coke. Not interchangeable.
"What would you like to drink?"
"Coke."
"Pepsi ok?"
"...I guess. Foreign money ok?"
Nobody likes Pepsi. It's a common fact! They taste completely different. That's like not having blood for a blood transfusion, and they say, "Will Pepsi be ok?" No, it will not be ok...
Since I'm on a roll and I haven't posted in a bit... Old guys making action movies is getting... old. Russel Crowe(not that I'm complaining), Dennis Quaid, Mel Gipson(I am complaining), John Travolta, and Tom Cruise. They're all making these movies that they made when they were like mid-20s. It's kind of embarrassing. Give it up. It's sad.
Speaking of movies... As a theater major, I have seen, read, analyzed plays. Quite a few of them and I've realized more and more that movies suck. Comedy, for instance, is so downgraded that, they just show boobies and show guys doing stuff drunk. Slap-stick is making a comeback. "Let's hit somebody and watch a fat guy fall! Hahaha..." Dance movies are the worst. They're either about a couple getting together when one of them is rich and the other is poor, or about someone moving to a new place, not fitting in until he, or she, starts a dance team and wins a competition.
One last thing. I'm tire of different sports being confused with other types, so I've come up with three divisions. (The very fact that I've analyzed this means I don't play. hehe)
1) Competition Sports: Like football and soccer, etc. To play, you have to have another team or person to play.
2) Exhibition Sports: You show off skills and judges watch you. Cheerleading, dance, BMX, etc.
3) Hunting: Actually, I'm joking. This isn't a sport. It's like the Cowboys playing a 3rd grade flag-football team that don't realize they're playing. They're on "recess" picking flowers when WHAM, the Cowboys tackle them and make a touchdown. I could, maybe, understand if you tracked the deer, but hunters sit in an elevated stand, cover themselves in "Sexy Deer Cologne" and put deer food out. This deer thinks there's a buffet with a hot waitress, and he gets a bullet to the face. I think I could consider this a sport if the hunter was in a loin cloth with a bowie knife tracking down the deer. But they're invisible! All camouflaged out! Woo-hoo. You pulled a trigger. Wanna trophy? Yay, you can do what Christopher Reeves could do.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Boston Tea Party, 2009
I was thinking the other day and I thought what would happen if the Boston Tea Party happened today. Honestly. How hilarious. There would be this giant investigation, the president would be blamed for not protecting homeland security, and the EPA would have a fit.
Just picture it; They would fingerprint the tea barrels, the Tea companies would sue the "dumpers" of tea, and the ACLU would try to make it a racial issue. The tea "dumpers" are making a statement of the oppression of the white majority on the other folks. The tea "dumpers" would be sued by the PTA of America saying, "They shouldn't set such an example for our children."
There really is no point to this, I just thought it was funny. If you want one... Ok, I'll give you one. What happened to our revolutionary spirit?! When did we become mundane and overly sued? For instance, people are pissed off because doctors make too much. Excuse me, I want doctors to make amazing money! By them making more, they love their job and want to be better. When I get old and my parts start to go bad and things are falling down or sagging, I want a guy that loves his job and is able to pay off the $600,000 of school debt. Anywhoo... That's it. Short soapbox, I know.
Just picture it; They would fingerprint the tea barrels, the Tea companies would sue the "dumpers" of tea, and the ACLU would try to make it a racial issue. The tea "dumpers" are making a statement of the oppression of the white majority on the other folks. The tea "dumpers" would be sued by the PTA of America saying, "They shouldn't set such an example for our children."
There really is no point to this, I just thought it was funny. If you want one... Ok, I'll give you one. What happened to our revolutionary spirit?! When did we become mundane and overly sued? For instance, people are pissed off because doctors make too much. Excuse me, I want doctors to make amazing money! By them making more, they love their job and want to be better. When I get old and my parts start to go bad and things are falling down or sagging, I want a guy that loves his job and is able to pay off the $600,000 of school debt. Anywhoo... That's it. Short soapbox, I know.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
My Own Rain, And I Other Things I Hate
I was lying in bed, about to fall asleep when I realized I needed to write some things down before I went to sleep. I decided to write about a few of my... pet peeves.
1) Brail on drive-thru ATMs.
2) Text lingo. i.e. OMG BFF LMFAO WHATEV If I ever use these, I'm being sarcastic.
3) Tools. Not the metal kind, but the over-gelled, over-tanned ones.
4) Big trucks without mud on it. Scratch that. Big trucks. Period. I mean lift-kit and "muddin'" tires.
4.5) This goes with #4: People that wear camouflage when not hunting.
5) Anyone that will argue politics. Both sides. I'm not prejudice towards one side or the other. I'm equally irritated by both.
6) I've noticed that when you sneeze straight up in the air, it will slowly fall back on you like your own personal rain. I hate that. As you sit in your own storm, you slowly think about what is truly caressing your face. Snot and saliva. Shot at 200 mph at the ceiling. It fails to reach its destination and falls back on your face. Mmm...
7)Fast and slow drivers.
Well, this is it for today, but I think this one is so good, it deserves a Part Deux.
1) Brail on drive-thru ATMs.
2) Text lingo. i.e. OMG BFF LMFAO WHATEV If I ever use these, I'm being sarcastic.
3) Tools. Not the metal kind, but the over-gelled, over-tanned ones.
4) Big trucks without mud on it. Scratch that. Big trucks. Period. I mean lift-kit and "muddin'" tires.
4.5) This goes with #4: People that wear camouflage when not hunting.
5) Anyone that will argue politics. Both sides. I'm not prejudice towards one side or the other. I'm equally irritated by both.
6) I've noticed that when you sneeze straight up in the air, it will slowly fall back on you like your own personal rain. I hate that. As you sit in your own storm, you slowly think about what is truly caressing your face. Snot and saliva. Shot at 200 mph at the ceiling. It fails to reach its destination and falls back on your face. Mmm...
7)Fast and slow drivers.
Well, this is it for today, but I think this one is so good, it deserves a Part Deux.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Wiz
Alright, so this entry may be a little quick but try to keep up. I know you can.
The other day (today), I was lamenting about the fact all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives. They're living it. Growing up, facing the world, etc etc. I sometimes don't even want to talk to these people because it's almost as if they're flaunting the fact that they have moved on to bigger things.
However, I am a man of reason with reasonable thoughts. (Sometimes.) So, I directed my over-analytical thought processes at myself and here's what I got: I'm the Scarecrow of The Wizard of OZ.
In the movie, The Wizard of Oz, (and I'm not going to give a synopsis) the Scarecrow wants a brain to have deeper thoughts. The cool part about this is, the fact he wants a deeper thought and realizes that deeper thoughts are a possibility is a deeper thought. He asks Dorothy to help him down and then tells her how to get him down, therefore, deeper thoughts are already happening.
The same goes for the Tinman. He feels the need to feel. Therefore, he has feeling and emotion. In fact, when they meet the Lion, he is full of emotion in shaking with fear.
My very quick and well-thought-out point is this: Maybe I am moving forward as well. Maybe I'm not so immobile. I mean, I'm in college. I have a major. I know that I want to help people. What else do I need at this point?
The other day (today), I was lamenting about the fact all my friends seem to be moving on with their lives. They're living it. Growing up, facing the world, etc etc. I sometimes don't even want to talk to these people because it's almost as if they're flaunting the fact that they have moved on to bigger things.
However, I am a man of reason with reasonable thoughts. (Sometimes.) So, I directed my over-analytical thought processes at myself and here's what I got: I'm the Scarecrow of The Wizard of OZ.
In the movie, The Wizard of Oz, (and I'm not going to give a synopsis) the Scarecrow wants a brain to have deeper thoughts. The cool part about this is, the fact he wants a deeper thought and realizes that deeper thoughts are a possibility is a deeper thought. He asks Dorothy to help him down and then tells her how to get him down, therefore, deeper thoughts are already happening.
The same goes for the Tinman. He feels the need to feel. Therefore, he has feeling and emotion. In fact, when they meet the Lion, he is full of emotion in shaking with fear.
My very quick and well-thought-out point is this: Maybe I am moving forward as well. Maybe I'm not so immobile. I mean, I'm in college. I have a major. I know that I want to help people. What else do I need at this point?
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Year's Resolution
For my first post of the new year, I've decided that this post will be on my resolutions for the upcoming year. Until recently, I wasn't going to have any. I think that they're cliche and so overly done that they aren't followed because people pile on too much. As of today, my gym experience will be nightmarish with all of the out-of-shape folks trying to do too much and crowding the gym. But I don't worry because they'll be gone by February.
Well, I don't need to go on a diet, because I'm already on one, and I don't need to get fit, because I am. I don't need to quit coffee, because... I'm not going to. Anyway, I have decided upon a couple of resolutions, and, after much thought, I realized how much they are related.
1.) I resolve to stop buying DVDs from the five-dollar bin at Wal-Mart. It is an... addiction. Now, I don't plan on cold turkey, but I want to be more responsible with my money. I am 20.
2.) I resolve not to worry about my future/destiny.
I'm sure you understand number one, but let me explain number 2 and how it's related. You see, I like, no love, movies. It takes you to a place where things are much simpler, or to a place that is more complicated. Either way, you feel relieved to watch them. I think that movies are predictable. They all are. Even the ones that people claim, "You'll never guess who did what!" They just are to me. However, don't get me wrong. I love this about them. They are a control group in my experiment called life.
Oftentimes, I wish my life was scripted. It has a plot. It has a protagonist, and the protagonist has opposing forces. There are arcs of conflict and, finally, a resolution. Guess what? After the resolution, after the one solitary problem of that character's life is done, it's over. No more conflict. No more. Human life is an unscripted play. The worst play ever devised, I might add, but a play. It has all these mini-plots inside of the big plot and the big plot doesn't even makes sense.
Alright, here's what I'm trying to say: I don't know what to do with my life. I remember looking at college kids that were my age now as a high-schooler and thinking, "Wow, they have it all together." Why don't I have it together? So many of my friends know what they want. They are already married, engaged, and even having children.
I want kids one day. However, I'm not even close to becoming stable enough for a relationship, let alone kids. But I also don't want to be 30 before I begin to have them. It seems as if I don't act now, I may miss out. For those that know me, you know that my love-life is anything but stable. In fact, it's a mess. That part of my life is filled with regret and angst. There's nothing I can do about it now though. It's one of those things that bother me constantly. "Could this girl be it?" "Could she be the one I marry?" I need to quit before it eats me up on the inside. Girls are also very complicated. I wish that they would just tell you what they want. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. I know this may sound funny, but my love-life most closely resembles that of J.D. from Scrubs. Except, my experiences aren't as funny.
So, here I sit. 3:30 on New Year's Day. Alone. Single. Inexperienced. And I have no idea where to go from here. But, hey, I'm not going to worry about it. Plus, I'll have a few extra dollars in my pocket from not buying DVDs.
Well, I don't need to go on a diet, because I'm already on one, and I don't need to get fit, because I am. I don't need to quit coffee, because... I'm not going to. Anyway, I have decided upon a couple of resolutions, and, after much thought, I realized how much they are related.
1.) I resolve to stop buying DVDs from the five-dollar bin at Wal-Mart. It is an... addiction. Now, I don't plan on cold turkey, but I want to be more responsible with my money. I am 20.
2.) I resolve not to worry about my future/destiny.
I'm sure you understand number one, but let me explain number 2 and how it's related. You see, I like, no love, movies. It takes you to a place where things are much simpler, or to a place that is more complicated. Either way, you feel relieved to watch them. I think that movies are predictable. They all are. Even the ones that people claim, "You'll never guess who did what!" They just are to me. However, don't get me wrong. I love this about them. They are a control group in my experiment called life.
Oftentimes, I wish my life was scripted. It has a plot. It has a protagonist, and the protagonist has opposing forces. There are arcs of conflict and, finally, a resolution. Guess what? After the resolution, after the one solitary problem of that character's life is done, it's over. No more conflict. No more. Human life is an unscripted play. The worst play ever devised, I might add, but a play. It has all these mini-plots inside of the big plot and the big plot doesn't even makes sense.
Alright, here's what I'm trying to say: I don't know what to do with my life. I remember looking at college kids that were my age now as a high-schooler and thinking, "Wow, they have it all together." Why don't I have it together? So many of my friends know what they want. They are already married, engaged, and even having children.
I want kids one day. However, I'm not even close to becoming stable enough for a relationship, let alone kids. But I also don't want to be 30 before I begin to have them. It seems as if I don't act now, I may miss out. For those that know me, you know that my love-life is anything but stable. In fact, it's a mess. That part of my life is filled with regret and angst. There's nothing I can do about it now though. It's one of those things that bother me constantly. "Could this girl be it?" "Could she be the one I marry?" I need to quit before it eats me up on the inside. Girls are also very complicated. I wish that they would just tell you what they want. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. I know this may sound funny, but my love-life most closely resembles that of J.D. from Scrubs. Except, my experiences aren't as funny.
So, here I sit. 3:30 on New Year's Day. Alone. Single. Inexperienced. And I have no idea where to go from here. But, hey, I'm not going to worry about it. Plus, I'll have a few extra dollars in my pocket from not buying DVDs.
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