Cookies

So, I like cookies. There's no mystery there. Everybody does. (Or should.) However, there is something that has and always will bother me about the cookie world. Sugar cookies. They are the con-artists of the cookie world. They bother me greatly.

Here's the deal: Sugar cookies are the only cookie that changes its face for each holiday. Sugar cookies with little pumpkins on them, Christmas trees and hearts for Valentine's Day. This evidence proves that they are the lamest cookie. The "uncool" cookie. The outcast.

Don't get me wrong, they are delicious. As well, they are rather decorative and they leave room for creativity. With sprinkles, icing, and colors, the fun is limitless. However, what is a sugar cookie? Does not every cookie contain sugar? What makes the "sugar" cookie so special as to be the sugar cookie?

Here's what I think. In basic science, one learns that there is no such thing as darkness, just the absence of light. Similarly, there is no such thing as cold, just the absence of heat. In this way I don't believe the "sugar cookie" exists... Bold words. I know.

Since every cookie has sugar, naming this... this... thing the sugar cookie, you are actually saying it is in absence of anything else. It should actually be called the... darkness cookie. Catchy, right?

I actually had someone ask me once if I wanted a lavender sugar cookie. What?! So, after telling them the reasoning I just wrote of, I explained that calling it the lavender (and) sugar cookie is paramount to calling it a dark-light cookie. They, of course, changed the name. What's so weird is that I'm not usually like this. I don't usually care when people call things the wrong thing or mispronounce something, but I can no longer handle the sugar cookie's tyranny of misnomers.

Just remember the next time someone offers you a sugar cookie... You'll know what to do.