Dating Tips

I know what you're probably thinking: "Why is a single, 20-year-old going to give out dating advice?" Well, frankly, I don't know. However, sometimes I believe that those that give advice are often less likely to follow their own wisdom. It's true. Look at doctors. "Don't smoke. Excuse me, my nicotine stick is making my mouth water..."

Before we begin, I must let you know that some inspiration was taken from a song by That Handsome Devil called "Dating Tips." I don't recommend everything in that song, but that's why I'm writing my own bit and not just spitting out song lyrics. Anyway, digression...

GUYS:
Well, first let's start with the fellas. Fellas?! Can I get a hey-OH?! Well, fine... Hey-ohs are out, I guess. Digression! My first point, don't get off-topic. It's just aggravating.

Alright, real first point: Confidence. This is it. The key. Magical, I know.

With the first topic, I must also clarify that I don't begin to understand the complexities of the female mind. It's better left as unexplored territory.

I often see these horrifyingly, fugly fellas dating bombshells. What is up with that? After mucho scientific research, including animal testing, I've realized it's not looks, it's something inside. They're confident. They may not be awesome, but they believe they are. However, there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is belief you are awesome and arrogance is belief that you are more awesome than others. You see the arrogant ones. They are also referred to as "tools." Over-gelled, Backstreet Boys with self-tanner. Tools.

Another big one: "Girls have, will always have, the upper hand." Know this. Learn this. Understand this. You may think you know what's going on, but you don't. They are far more clever. You're dating relationship is a life chess set. And you're playing Bobby Fisher. They may even say they don't know, but they do. You must understand the enemy before you battle them. (Just kidding about "battle." Knives on the first date are a red-flag.)

Something you should also take into account, don't replace confidence with "liquid courage." It's slightly insulting to a female to be hit on by a drunk.

Honestly, what do you have to lose, you're already single? What's the worst that could happen? More singleness? Now, on to females. Don't worry guys. I'll be back later. With part deaux.

FEMALES:
Hiya. Going into this, I'm going to say that I only guess at "girl code." I don't actually know the code, but if I'm wrong, let me know and I'll ratify it in part deaux.

First, and foremost, play hard to get. Good things never come quickly.

A subtext of this rule is: Don't talk about old boyfriends. Male are, for some reason, slightly territorial. They have what is called, a "Columbus Complex." Other people may have been there, but we still wanna say we discovered it.

Also, don't talk about plans for the future. Guys don't plan and we really don't like to talk about a family with a girl we are just starting to date. Even if we want kids, we won't let you know that for a while.

And to let you know a little secret, all men are sexist. We may appreciate women and agree with equal pay and what-not, but we still want to be dominate. It's so weird, I know.

To let ALL know before I go, there are exceptions to every rule and there are no perfect situations. It's just a river. Get into the flow and follow it. Be confident and jump in. You'll know what to do. And if you have any more problems, consult with me on Facebook and it may get seen in Part Deaux.