The Challenge: Life

Before I start, this is almost a "part II" to my last post. I would recommend reading that one before this one. To fully understand my issuance of a challenge, then you must know where it's coming from...

I kind of want to write this like a letter, so I will. It's my blog. I can do what I want. Ok. Here goes it:

Dear Reader,

I don't know where you are in your life. I don't know the challenges you've faced and the times you've encountered. Here's what I do know: We may not have the same past, but we can have the same, life-giving future.

Life, to me, is not about living, "finishing the race," "reaching the destination," or any other cliche you can think of. Life is a verb. Not a noun. Very similar to love, in that respect, is that you have to give it to get it. But I'll rant on love next time, or whenever...

Ok. Here's my issuance to you. I want you to spread life. I don't know how you'll do that. That's entirely up to you. I can't tell you how to live your life, nor can I tell you what to believe. You have to find it on your own. I can tell you that as a theatre artist, my purpose is to inspire change in the audience that sees the work I have put on stage. Similarly, a painter inspires life through their canvas and oils. For an artist, imitation of life is easy because art, in it's most basic form, life.

Now, life is about balance. So, as well as inspiring others, you must also inspire yourself. I want you to meditate with a smile, fart in an elevator, or go to a store that has been downtown forever and you've never gotten a chance to go there and just make time for yourself. Sit. Stare at the ceiling. Don't get depressed... But stare at the ceiling. It's more comforting than you realize.

Another thing, don't ever say no to love. Don't regret it. It's hard sometimes because you give your love to some that don't return it, but I believe in love karma. Love will make it back to you. Life is balance. It will be returned to you in the form of that perfect person that make your heart leap, and, even more, you'll make their heart leap. Ah, leaping hearts. :) It makes my heart warm.

If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching the movie, "Yes Man." You'd be surprised at the power of "yes." It's quite shocking. Just for one day, say yes to everything. I'm not talking bank robberies or nothing, but see what happens. I did it, and it was one of the most fun I've had in a long time.

So, "in conclusion," give life and love and you'll get life and love. Life is balance. It will come back.

United in Life,
Jay Watson

Now that I've written you a letter, I thought I'd tell you that I'm also "Reader." Like any good, unread, unknown blog, I wrote this for myself. I wrote this letter to remind myself of some basic life facts, but, as always, please gather what you can from my thoughts and prophecies.

"Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again."
-Bob Dylan

Creed

I sometimes really hate pictures. In essence, pictures are supposed to remind you of the past. Some might say that they are meant to remind you of the good times you had, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, they also remind you of the bad. Occasionally, I take a look at old pictures. Whether last year or four years ago, I always kind of feel lost, maybe even lonely. I think about all the people I didn't know then, the lives that have impacted mine, and the relationships that have been severed. I even think about the music that I didn't listen to... Like Mayday Parade and Lonely Island... Anyway, I had to wrestle myself out of that "stink" of an attitude and jump into the idea that the path I'm on is THE path that I'm on. There is no other paths. No regrets. I'm proud of my life. I'm proud of my friends. All of them. I love them dearly. The good parts and the bad. I just look back and think about missed opportunities and broken relationships. I'm sad for those lost relationships but the Tao Te Ching says, "... all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugly." I believe that with all my heart. Everything in my life, the good and the bad, have prepared me for this very moment. I am the most prepared I could be. I'm ready. I've been immersing myself in the life of the Tao and I've learned many things. A. It's not much different than the Bible. (In your face fundamentalist Christianity.) B. Life is balance. The latter being the most important, I realize that life is a complicated thing: Delicate in its nature and sensitive in its personality. Everything effects the outcome. The journey determines your destination. Okay, all that to say this:

I will never settle. I will never compromise myself, or force others to compromise themselves. I will never turn off the possibilities of love and its power. I will always strive to be better. I will always stand up for my friends. I will always believe in justice. I will always make choices based on the present. I will stand up for the weak and broken-hearted and never deviate from my beliefs.

I want anyone reading this to know that I didn't say this for you. Like any good, un-read blog, this is for myself. If you read this, thank you. I hope you received a revelation from my revelation. I mostly said this, however, to remind myself. To remind myself of who I am and who/what I love. Thank you for reading.

Continuities

"Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost,
No birth, identity, form--no object of the world.
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;
Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain.
Ample are time and space--ample the fields of Nature.
The body, sluggish, aged, cold--the embers left from earlier fires,
The light in the eye grown dim, shall duly flame again;
The sun now low in the west rises for mornings and for noons continual;
To frozen clods ever the spring's invisible law returns,
With grass and flowers and summer fruits and corn."

Walt Whitman

Life Is Not Fair

The title kind of says it all but I'm going to spell it out for the people with the silver spoons sticking out of their mouth. Do you know what's not fair? A man who works his entire life to provide for his family and lives paycheck to paycheck while the rich man does nothing and will always be well-to-do. That's not fair. A child has to walk three miles barefoot in a war-torn, poverty-stricken nation to get a basketful of dirty water for him and his four brothers. That's not fair. Life just isn't effing fair and it's pissing me the hell off...

On to my personal life. I work hard on my skill as an actor. I take all the classes and go for all the auditions. Someone comes in that couldn't give a rat's rear-end for acting or the program and is dumber than George Bush, and he gets cast. That's not fair.

I'm loyal. I don't cheat. I'm romantic. I'm pretty good looking. I'm cultured and have good manners. Then, some dickhead comes along and rips a girl's heart out, and then I get her. That's my last few relationships. "Leftovers," I like to call them. They never trust you. Ever. You could be Prince effing Harry, but she won't trust you because of the last douche that wrecked her life.

Dear Douches of the World,

Thank you for ruining girls for the rest of the gd-world.

FU,

Jay

I'm a good guy. I know I am. Maybe too much of a good guy. I get it!!! Wait a second! Girls want these guys! They want bad boys! Why?! HellifIknow! Because they're dumb... They like the feeling of adventure... They like being treated like dirt... Who the hell knows? I give up. They're all nuts.

Dear Women of the World,

You are dumb.

Apologies,

Jay

And you know what else? My father verbally treats me like dirt and slime for most of my life and my mother sits back and lets him. He says he wants a divorce, then the next day, he changes his mind and apologizes. Well, guess what. It's too late. Maybe not for my mother, but sure as hell for me. She decides they can work it out. Well, great. But they both forget that damage was done. The die have been cast. It's too late! I'm done...

PS I long for the day when I emotionally flatline. Then I'll be rich and get all the girls.

Signing off.

Here's what I've been thinking...

I'm kinda wondering where to go in life, as I have wondered since the inception of creative thought. But I've realized it's not what I thought. Since my last post, I "ditched the bitch" in my life and now I'm single. I'm happy. So friggin' happy now! I can't even tell you. It feels good to finally be myself instead of trying to be someone else.

LIFE CREEDO: I will never again change myself for anyone or anything.

In celebration of my newfound life motto, I'm doing something for my 21st birthday that is completely and utterly for me. I'm getting a big tattoo. A big one. It will be on my arm. I've been working on this design for 3 years now and I can't wait to see it on me. Anyway, I was putting off getting it because I was worried what people would think. My recent freedom has caused me to finally wish to be who I am. And guess who I am? I'm a proud owner of a tattoo. Yet. I will be.

I think that for the longest time, I was unhappy because I was trying to be a cookie cutter. A mold of the person I wanted to be instead of was. And it wasn't that I wanted to be that person, but I thought I did. It was such a deep rooted craziness and need to please people. So, I'm officially signing off the crazy-train and setting sail to brighter seas. I will be a force of free-thinking in this small state of Arkansas. I am indeed alone in many of my beliefs here, but I think there are ears here that need to listen. Sometimes, we just have to make due with where we have been placed. I believe it is not mere chance that placed me in po-dunk Arkansas. I do want to move somewhere one day where there'll be people like me, but for now, I have been cast in this play.

Anyway, I'm done for now.

PS Thank you to all the people that asked about me while I was gone. I love you all.

General Ranting

I'm starting to wonder what happened to the modern church. Where did it start becoming such an awful thing? I'll tell you a few things that I'm sick of: "Cliche" churches. You know the type of church that has all the same people in it and they do nothing to radicalize the world. The church that would rather travel to Africa to preach and ignore and/or degrade the girl wearing black. You know it.

Anyway, I'm back at college and I need a new church. Simply, it's unpractical to try and make it back to my old church as good as they are. I wonder if anyone realizes that we are ALL sinners? Did the modern church forget this? I think so. Because when a leader is found to be in sin (just like a human), they are outcasted by their church by people they thought loved them. Does that make any sense? You know Jesus was the only perfect person. Don't insult me by pretending you're perfect.

When it comes to picking a church, I want a church that isn't AS bad. I realize that no church is perfect. But Jesus tells us that fellowship is good, so I listen. But I want a church that has action. I want a front-lines kind of church. I want the kind of church that doesn't hide behind the "will" of Christ with their inactive, born-again lazy Christianity.

Eh, I don't know what I'm saying... I should sleep instead of blog. More on this is a book called "Starving Jesus." Best read for this subject. Oh, and watching the movie "Saved!" will give a large interpretation of the people I'm talking about. The character, Hilary Faye, is a big interpretation. Well, goodnight.

Life Since March

Ok, here's the deal. I have been away. (In case you didn't notice.) Since being away, I have been to Ireland, Austin, and Colorado, as well as being a camp counselor for young kids at a camp with little internet. It has been a ride! I have had so much fun this summer. However, I miss writing out what's on my mind, so here I am. I missed you all. Here goes:

In the early parts of the summer, I went to staff training for this camp I work at. It is a Christian kid's camp. Over the past years, I have noticed a decline in my own spirituality. I mean, there was no doubt that I was a Christian. I loved God and occasionally went to church, but there's hot and cold spots in every relationship. Part of me was also angry. Angry at the hard truth of the Gospel. I tried to cover that dying relationship with keeping so "friggin'" busy with life. Even on this very blog, I would just lament about everything. This was my therapist.

Well, anywho, I began to see the decline, so I said, "God, I know that I'm here at this camp for a reason. Let me be an inspiration to these kids and see where you want me in my future. Have it all." I began to grow in my relationship with Christ and see where he wants my life to go. I'm no longer worried about it. I know He has it in control. The thing that made me worry so much about my girlfriend-relationships and my career path after school was that I was trying to do it alone, but when I gave it ALL. He took it ALL. I know God is real because of the work He has done on my heart. I have started to realize that my relationship with Christ is all that matters. This wasn't exactly a "quick" revelation, but I am working on it.

Since my last post, I have also started to date a wonderful woman of God. She challenges me to be a better Godly man and I appreciate her for that. We are trying to build our relationship on God so it lasts.

The point of me writing this is to direct my blog in a new direction. I am going to leave the past blogs up, but I want it to represent my life and what's happening in it. The past is still there, but I'm going in a new direction. Now, this blog won't be a "Christian" blog, but it will be about my life, in which I happen to be a Christian. This is to say if I say something non-Christian-y, I won't be hammered... I'll still call people douches and what-not, I'll just do it with love. :D

My biggest prayer/concern is going from who I was into who I am. For instance, going from old Jay to new Jay at college. At face value, I'm not a good Christian, but I know that I'm forgiven. I hope people see the change as for the good.